Dilemma

(’-’*) フフ Konnichiwa. Good afternoon. So sleepy and tired. Haiz, sian. Seriously don't feel like going Tozan this year if I cannot go tour around Japan after that.The most 2 day extension if I go with temple group. 2 days can do what? See what?. Definitely not enough if I were to really go out and tour. Might as well don't go and plan my own tour or Tozan later the year.

To mom maybe she wants to go every year and she doesn't mind to just go Tozan and come back like what she has been doing all these days but for me. I seriously sometimes dunno why I go Tozan for. I cannot feel any joy or emtions going and returning after all these days. It's just like, go go lor since it's already decided by mom then come back lo. Not only it's boring but it really serves me no meaning.

What she wants is not what I want, always plan and decide stuffs without consulting me. I'm sick of it already. Didn't talk to her for 1 whole month previously due to it. Call me selfish that I only think of what I want but.. heck if I can't live my life the way I want then how am I living my life for. Told her to go ahead alone and I'll go my own but she doesn't want. Must I really go, and fork out another sum for my own tour if I want to where I have been wanting to just tour around for the past 10 years. Can't I have it my own way once and do all the planning and stuffs by my own. Dilemma. Just don't feel like thinking of anything.

To me, going Tozan or not is really no matter to me, just my mom wants only. Until I can find my own meaning what makes me HAVE to go no matter what. I really don't wish to think about going.